All my life I have been faithful Christian, proud of the Lord and all he has to offer. I can truly say I have never doubted my faith, but maybe I’ve just doubted the strength of my faith and my relationship with Him. But life happens, and sometimes when it rains, it freaking pours, and us humans like to blame outside forces- I seem to shy away from my faith when I am going through troubles. What do I mean when I say life happens? Most of the time, you just go through the days passing time, doing whatever it is that you do each and every day. But sometimes “life” happens and God tests our faith and our strength. So here’s my story:
I am currently enrolled as a full time student at the University of Oklahoma.I moved in August 12th, and all summer I had looked forward to finally becoming a college kid. Everything had gone smoothly the day of my departure, I said a see you later to my boyfriend and family, and we had a swift drive from my hometown to Norman, Oklahoma. My mother and I arrived in Norman on the evening of August 11th. We had a cute mother-daughter sappy movie night in the hotel before we tackled move in day that next morning. However, I woke up at about 7 am with a text from a friend at 3:30 am informing that my boyfriend and love of my life had cheated on me earlier this past summer. Of course, I needed proof before I confronted my boyfriend about the situation, but all I could do in the moment was deny. Deny, deny, deny. Minutes later I got some proof through texts from the guy friend that had texted me, so I went ahead and texted my boyfriend, scared to hear him admit to it. I sent him screenshots of his conversation with this girl he had been texting and sending things to, and he calls me crying. Unknowingly he admitted to physically doing things with her, not just sending stuff over the phone. In the moment of all of this, I was still trying to deny, but the truth hit me, and as I walked from the bedroom to the living room where my mom was, my body just gave out. I gave up, saw my mom and just let hell break loose. I fell to the floor sobbing my eyes out, screaming out, thriving in pain. My mom ran over to me and asked me who had died, but then I told her what happened. In shock, she embraced my crumpled body on the floor, trying to find motherly advice for the situation. I couldn’t believe it, why me? I gave this boy my everything, let him into my family, picked him up in his darkest times, loved him thoroughly, sacrificed my time and love constantly. And all I got in return was the love of my life breaking one of the ten commandments given in Exodus 20: 1-17, “You shall not commit adultery”. So, I blamed God, because I didn’t understand why this would happen to me, especially at such a horrible time in my life.
Keep in mind, in about 45 minutes I had to go move into college, away from my family, away from my mom, away from my best friends. All knowing that the love of my life had just took my heart and soul and completely shattered it. I did my best to contain my emotions that day- there were a lot of tears- but honestly I’m not quite sure what kept me as collected as I was. By 4 pm, my mother had left and I was doing my best to stand on my feet. That whole next week I had spent going through rush, which in a way was a blessing in disguise. The whole stressful situation that rush was kept my mind off of my broken heart. However I managed to lose 7 pounds in about one week, proving that I was not near being OK. Oh, and if that wasn’t enough, I found out that my ulcerative colitis (an autoimmune disease that causes inflammation in the largest part of the large intestine) had come out of remission, and therefore I would need to start a new medication: Humira, which is a biologic that is given in forms of skin injections(at home injection pens). So during rush, I’m dealing with all of this information, and trying to keep myself together all at the same time. Anyways, on the last day of rush, I went to Pi Beta Phi, a house I had liked since the beginning of rush. I had an in-house friend that walked me in that evening and she sat me down, and asked me how I was- how I really was. That’s when everything hit me. When I say everything I mean everything. My emotions from the whole situation, my mom leaving me at school, the stress of rush, the fact that I couldn’t run home and cry in the arms of my loved ones. Anyways, that night I preffed Pi Phi, and woke up the next day to find out I had a new beautiful home away from home. The girls in this house have surrounded me with perpetual support, and I could not thank God enough for these people. He looked out for me, and as He always does, He led me to the light, and that light was Pi Phi.
So since then, I’ve been at a lot more peace. Instead of asking God why he did this to me, I am relieved because I know He is in control, and whatever happens, happens for a reason. God has His path for me and I am confident that I will be led in the right direction. Following are verses from the Bible I found relevant to this post.
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” –James 5:16
There’s a reason we call it “the power of prayer”. Pray for those around you, pray for those you hate, pray for those you love, pray for yourself, pray for others. Constant prayer will keep not only your faith strong but the faith of others around you as well. He gave us the power to pray, and it’s okay to pray for guidance. I think the reason I was so collected during rush week was because my friends and family were praying for me through my hard times. Don’t be afraid to connect with the Lord, He is there to listen.
“He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.”-1 Peter 2:24
Jesus died on the cross to accomplish reconciliation, or reconnecting us back to God. Romans 3:25 says, “…whom God set forth as a propitiation” for our sins. By this, a propitiation means, “something that appeases a deity.” However, it means much more than just that. It can mean to “accept hurt”, to “forgive”, to “show mercy.” As humans and as sinners, we break His law and really have no legal right to exist. But God himself takes our falls, and accepts the hurt, pays the price, forgives, and offers mercy. We can be healed because he suffered for us. So instead of shying away from our faith in times of distress, we shall become closer with the Lord.
Okay, sorry this post is so long, but it was my first one and I am still getting the hang of things!